What Is the Right Way to Handle Children’s Fights?

A child may become involved in a fight at least once. The children may not physically hurt one another, but they may argue over who is better. A parent’s first reaction in such a situation is to stop the fight immediately. Parents may demand that the children apologize to each other or punish them by making them stand facing a wall to reflect on their behavior.

However, Dr. Sara Zaske, author of the paper “Parenting the German Way: Let the Children Fight,” said children should be allowed to fight with each other and vent their anger. According to Zaske, parents and teachers in Germany do not intervene in children’s fights unless they are physically hurting one another. This is because they believe children can resolve their own problems and reconcile by themselves.

Zaske said, “Teachers keep an eye on children while they are fighting and occasionally step into their arguments to help a child decide what they want.”

Of course, there are also times when children do not fight at all. This is said to occur mainly in Japan. According to a study comparing fights, physical altercations and other situations involving American and Japanese students, 92% of American students said they did not want to receive any punishment for fighting. By contrast, Japanese students said they should avoid becoming involved in fights altogether because they could hurt other students. Commenting on this, expert Michelle Woo said in an interview with a media outlet, “Japanese students have learned wisdom and maturity through life experience.”

Meanwhile, parents may step in to resolve their children’s problems, but there are times when they should let their children work things out on their own. However, parents must always keep watch so they can guide their children in the right direction, and they should set an example of kindness. It is also a good idea to provide children with a private place where they can express their emotions.

[FamTimes = Reporter Yoon-ha Cho]